Work is going really well so far. i really like the people i work with and i'm actually making a few friends there. i really hope i start to get more hours soon because i'm working more part-time than full-time right now and i was hired for full-time. i really need the hours if i think i'm going to be able to pay rent for my own apartment. ofcourse the cool think about renting around here is that not only is the rent based on your monthly income, like i said before, but all the utilities are included in the rent. that means no extra bills like electric, water... all that icky stuff. I still like it here and i still feel like this is where i'm supposed to be for now. i just really miss my friends and i really miss my mom.

i feel like when we talk on the phone we're so distant. i mean, we say i love you and all, but it just isn't the same. i feel like it really hurts her that i'm up here even though she's the one who thought i would benefit from it in the first place. of course i'm sure no mom likes to have to send her daughter away because she's getting into trouble. it'd be nice if she was reading this because i want her to know that she did the right thing, and that i'm doing a lot better. my dad is really whipping me into shape. i feel sorry that i didn't get better at home, but mom if you're reading this... it isn't because you are a bad mom or you didn't raise me right. it's because i'm rebellious and i never thought you could identify with anything i'm going through. i know that's not your fault. i guess i listen to dad more because i know he's been through most of what i've been through... probably worse. i'm sorry. i want you to know that i love you soooooo much and nothing we ever go through will change that. and i want everyone else reading this to know how awesome my mom is. she's been through so much with me and no matter what it was, i never doubted for a second whether she loved me... even though i didn't always agree. mom i'm sorry for the pain i have caused you and i hope you will forgive me. maybe someday i'll have the guts to say it to you in person, but for now, this is the best i can do. i love you more than anything!

i'm living in michigan now with my dad. it's weird. i'm feeling this strong feeling that God wants me here. it's a small little town but i'm falling in love with it. this town is surrounded my lake huron and there are beaches everywhere. my kind of place. i went to apply for jobs yesterday and got three job offers... i think God is sending clear signals. i feel closer to Him here... i don't know what else to say. i think my sister got all the writing skills in the family. lol.

i recently talked to steven for the first time in a year. i didn't feel a thing. in fact he has a girlfriend that he is totally infatuated with and i found myself actually feeling happy for him. it's strange. we are almost really good friends. positive ones too. i'm a little jealous though. not because i still like him but because i keep finding myself wanting someone so bad and it doesn't seem fair that he has someone and i don't (wow what a huge run-on). i guess i'm a little lonely right now. i'm really gonna have to get my life together before i can think about a relationship right now anyway... i'm just going to have to live with it.

i'm feeling so many feelings right now i can't get them straight. i feel like there's just too much to deal with. i'm trying to remember this little phrase, "let go and let God". i've been saying it over and over in my head till it's imprinted there. what a lot of meaning in such a little phrase.

i love you all and i could really use your prayers and encouragement right now. it would mean so much to me. -Bethany

Yeah i know... i'm actually updating my zanga. really haven't had a lot of time lately. So I moved out of the house two days after my 18th birthday... let's just say it's been an interesting couple of weeks. I could probably use a lot of prayer. I've been pretty darn rebellious lately. At the moment im staying with my third cousin Grace Robertson. (or is it second cousin?) Probably better than staying with phil's family especially since his step dad gets drunk and angry quite a bit... that was definitely an experience. Anyway I'm not much of a writer and im getting kind of bored... lol so i think i'm gonna go now. Hope everything's going well for everybody!